I'm here in Seattle and have been for the past few days. I'm packing my life up and moving back home. It's been extremely hard and I have found the alone time to be somewhat therapeutic. I've run about 6 miles the past 2 days. I know that doesn't seem like a lot, but if you know me, it's the last thing I should do since I've had 6 ACL reconstructive surgeries. I tend to run when I find myself getting angry and frustrated. I ran this morning when I first got up because I felt "lost." I try to make so much sense of my life as to why I let things effect me the way that I do. I worry about making the right decisions. I worry that I sacrifice my happiness for the happiness of others. I honestly do not believe that's the best or even right thing to do. I've been here 3 days and I've packed 3 boxes. (That's a box per day for all you math geniuses.) ;)
During this time here, I have realized some very important elements:
We need to face our demons. I'm not talking about the skeletons that we keep hidden in the closet, under the bed, and any extra storage space available. I'm talking about the demons that keep us from being who we truly are.
I have realized that once we admit to what those demons are we can then prioritize them and tackle them one at a time to get back that inner happiness and peace that we so long to return to. Is it hard? Absolutely! If it wasn't then nothing would haunt us. In order to face them though, you have to be vulnerable. Completely stripped of all security. Stop making excuses for the way things are, for your actions, for the choices you've made. Stop talking yourself out of that winning lottery ticket. Stop listening to others. Listen to your heart, it hasn't failed you yet. Take responsibility for the things you've done. Change the things you can change, and don't stress about the things that you cannot control.
Taking that first leap of faith is hard. You have to jump in with both feet at the same time. Join me, the water's warm. :) I jumped in a few days ago. It's been tough. It's been lonely, but it's been helpful in the healing process.
A few steps to take:
- Set Goals
- Follow through
- Be open to change (even if it's uncomfortable)
- Walk a fine line
- Make good choices
- Love yourself
- Believe in yourself
Again, make no excuses, reasons, or whatever else as to why you have demons. Blame no one but yourself, you're the only person you can control. Accept yourself for who you are. Don't lose your self-worth. We are too precious to throw this out the window. It makes up the very essence of who each one of us truly is.
Only you will know when you have cast out that last demon. At that time you can cash in that winning lottery ticket. Then you may want to start cleaning out those skeletons...good lord, they're everywhere!