Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
I am better than your kids.
If you work in an office with lots of people, chances are that you work with a person who hangs pictures up that their kids have drawn. The pictures are always of some stupid flower or a tree with wheels. These pictures suck; I could draw pictures much better. In fact, I can spell, do math and run faster than your kids. So being that my skills are obviously superior to those of children, I've taken the liberty to judge art work done by other kids on the Internet. I'll be assigning a grade A through F for each piece:
Megan, age 4
First of all, I don't even know what this is. If it's supposed to be a dog, then it's the shittiest dog I've ever seen.
Kyle, age 8
You spelled America wrong asshole. Also, I could have sworn America's colors were red, white and blue. There's no yellow anywhere, traitor.
Holy shit, I almost had a seizure when I saw this one. Three words: too many colors. Also, eggs aren't supposed to have ears, dipshit.
Bryce, age 10
This one wouldn't be too bad if the color were kept inside the lines, you picked a new perspective, used non-abrasive colors and asked someone with talent to paint it for you. On one hand I want to give an A for effort but...
When I go into work next, I'm going to surprise all my co-workers and put up pictures of myself instead of their ugly kids and their inane drawings.
Jon, age 8
Ding Ding! Here comes the shit-mobile. I've never seen a fire truck that needed to be shaved. I would rather be burned to death than be saved by this hairy piece of shit.
Rachel, age 7
That's interesting, everyone in this picture is white. Even the rainbow is white. Perhaps in an ideal world, everyone would be white isn't that right, Rachel? Or should I call you RACIST? Nice try, Hitler.
Jason, age 6
This one would receive an "A" if the assignment was to throw as much random shit onto a paper as poorly as you can. I've pissed patterns on snow that look more coherent than this.
Kelly, age 9
This was a Christmas gift from Kelly to her parents. Good job Kelly, now pack up your shit and find a foster home. If my kids tried to pass this off as a gift, they'd come home from school and find all their shit outside in a box. What a lousy gift, seriously. You give them video games and toys, and they give you some half-assed drawing with a crooked tree. I wonder how much a gift like this would set someone back. Five, maybe ten minutes to find a napkin and some markers?
I can't believe how much I rule.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Twitter, yes, I Twitter so shut your face, defines it as:
Four·square n. a way to check-in and share your location.
There are city specific badges and also convention show specific badges. As this application takes off, there will be a lot more badges. Perhaps, eventually, you can make up your own badge for special events or your place of employment, etc. If you have some ideas for new badges or just some cool ideas, don't hesitate to pass on the information to the Foursquare guys, Dennis Crowley and Naveen Selvaduri.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, January 21, 2010
There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore... and who always will. So, don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.
'Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.'
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
Work as if it was your first day