Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Words To Live By

"Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is."
~Mary Anne Roadacher-Hershey

10 Years

Written to me....

You caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. The snow fell around me continuing to cover the white streets as I walked deep in thought. Everything was moving around me as I walked, but I had to double take in your direction because you were the only thing in my immediate world that wasn't moving. I looked up just in time to see you crack a smile. Your eyes lit up like you'd just seen a deer in the middle of the urban streets. Why were you just standing there? I slowed my pace and looked back to the ground to recompose attention to the matter at hand, but I couldn't refocus knowing you were standing there watching me. I looked again and there you were - gloved hands with fingers interlaced; brown hair wet from the snow under a woven, red beanie. Anyone in your situation would be freezing, but oddly you looked warm; comfortable. I stopped. Staring at the ground, I slowly turned my head in your direction. As my head turned, my eyes cheated glimpses of you out the corner of my eye. I could see your smile growing with every click of my neck towards you. Those eyes burned with playfulness and flirtation. I'd seen you before; like, a ghost. It couldn't be...but it was. 10 years had passed since I'd fallen in love with you. 10 lonely years of women who never lived up to the expectations you set. My look of curiosity turned into one of disdain. You'd promised me the world and shown me glimpses of it, but never made good on your promises to follow through. I cautiously walked up to you as the snowfall around us slowed to a drizzle. "I never thought I'd see you again," I said coarsely. "I always knew I'd see you again," you said ruefully. You stood there with snow on your shoulders and head, looking beautiful as always but I discounted that. "Why are you here?" I asked. "Does it matter?" you retorted playfully. Your smile had changed to mild concern, but a grin was creeping across your face as if you knew something I didn't. "What are you grinning about?" I asked with a slight chuckle. You showed your teeth with a huge smile and followed, "I know something." "What?" You were always one for the dramatic, so your eyes looked out into the distance over my shoulder, then slowly down my head, through my eyes, down to the ground and finally to your soaked shoes. Your head rose slowly and your eyelids opened like they were rusted - those telling eyes opening, staring deep into mine. Right then, I knew what you were going to say. You didn't even have to say it. And, you were right....I was still in with love you. "Don't," I held firmly. Your lower lip curled and you bit it with your upper teeth. You were nervously scrambling with those eyes trying to read why I stopped you. This was your moment. You'd finally come back to me. You'd finally finished your business and came to be by my side. After all this time and effort was I really going to send you home? I watched your mind race as you tried to comprehend your plan going so sideways. "I'm going to stay no matter what. You can't make me leave." Your insecurities from 10 years prior that kept you from me were suddenly infecting you with questions about your ability to stay in a city with the man you love and not be able to be with him. I took a step back away from you. You knew I had broken free from your spell and fear was gripping you. Your plan was falling apart. You'd waited so long and travelled so far and planned so acutely. He's a romantic! How is he not completely enraptured by all of this? You questioned yourself, teary-eyed. "Yes, I'm still in love with you; but, my life is not what it once was. I'm not who I used to be," I proclaimed sternly. You backed down. You let me get the best of you. The silence was mortifying. 10 years of wanting, needing, and hoping were being thrown out like yesterdays trash. 10 years of devoting your heart to me was being ripped from your chest; faith stolen from your soul. The snow stopped. The streets were quiet, painted white - no place for cars to drive. I tilted my head to one side to see your puzzled face starting to give up. Tears were forming in the corners of your eyes. "I just couldn't wait any longer," I told you peacefully. "All I wanted was to be loved by someone who loves me. This is what I used to tell you. I guess I should've added that I needed that person to be here by my side every night and not 2000 miles away. It's incredible that you're here and you look amazing, but I can't allow myself to love you." You looked away in disbelief that I couldn't wait for you. It was only 10 years! What's 10 years in the scope of a lifetime? It took 34 years to connect originally and now I was going to let 10 years deny us eternal love? You gathered your emotions. You summoned your strength and mustered the courage to look me dead in the eye...."No." Your lips were pursed tightly and you began to shake. We hadn't noticed the snow beginning to fall again. "You LOVE me," you said vehemently. "You can't stop that. You can't control that." You spoke in a slow shaking voice ensuring I understood every word coming out of your mouth. "You are not going to fight me on this. This is not a negotiation. You will spend the rest of your life with me because you love me, we are perfect for each other, we need each other and I'll be damned if I'm going to allow you to keep me away from you - the man of my dreams; my knight in shining armor; my prince." That warm comfortable look evaporated and all the heat you felt watching me walk past you had changed to cold. You shivered as your voice fluctuated. The snow fell harder. I looked at you with a slight grin, my eyes shooting fire into yours. Time crawled as seconds turned into days. I had so much to say, but was at a loss for words. "I love you. I've never stopped. I never will," you said. "I know," I replied. I reached my hands into my pockets buying time to muster the words, "Go home." Your facial expression made it clear you were determined to stay, but my words were like knives slashing the emotions across your face. "Okay, but before I go, tell me something. What were you in such deep thought about when you first saw me tonight?" I looked away from you scrambling for an answer other than the truth. You turned your head slightly, looking at me out the corner of your eye. I stalled by drawing lines in the snow with my shoes. The snow was reaming down fast refilling the divots I was making. I didn't want to tell you my thoughts. I didn't want you to know. You grabbed my arm in a last ditch effort to know the truth. "Tell me. I just want to know what it is that runs through your head that still keeps you up at night. You always had something, but 10 years have passed so I just want to know what in the world you still think about so intently." I looked at your gloved hand locked on my arm. My eyelids angled down, opened up to see you. "Tell me," you whispered. The snow pounded around us. Inches were piling around us. You locked in on me, waiting anxiously to here who had stolen my heart or who had broken my heart or....your insecurities streamed countless ideas through your head when finally the words you least expected to hear at that moment fell from my mouth like an anvil...."You always seem to know when I'm thinking of you...and, there you were." The blood ran back into your face. Your soul, dumbfounded, screamed joyously as it viewed heaven once again. You saw me grimace conceding to love; giving in to the powerful force that never let me stop loving you. You stepped closer to me, staring into my eyes. That huge smile crossed my face fully acknowledging that you were right. You smiled and I stooped down to kiss you. Our lips embraced like we'd been apart not 10 years, but 10 minutes. We'd picked up right where we left off without skipping a beat. Your lips separated from mine and I watched your eyes fill with passion and love. That wild look of unrelenting love was splashed across your face. My spirit lifted with a joy I'd not felt in a decade. Your lips parted to release, "I always knew you were my first and only true love." My eyes dove deep into your soul and replied, "And, I always knew you were my last."


Forever Love

I have had a few friends reach out to me over the past few months asking some questions about my marriage and relating it to their own. I have been telling them that I would write about it to sit back and be patient. It’s been a couple of months for some, weeks for others, and merely days with one. It’s not that I have been too busy, although I truly am non-stop these days. Perhaps part of it is reliving the past that I have trouble doing. Finding the right words is another reason. Most of all, I don’t want someone relying on ME for advice as to whether they should stay in their marriage or not. I will go ahead and spew forth a few perils of wisdom, okay; advice is really the key word I should use.

I married a great man in 2001. He was perfect from the get go with Jake who was 2 at the time. He moved from NY to TX to start our family. We were the best of friends from day one. According to our friends, we were the perfect couple. What people see on the outside is not obviously the same behind closed doors. When we decided to divorce in 2007, we remained best friends. We looked at all of the options before splitting; in the end we went our separate ways. When I had to find a new place to live, he actually went with me. He reassured me that he could help fix things in some of the houses we looked at. It even went as far as possibly living across the street from each other at homes that were both for sale. In the end, he thought it was a bad idea for us. It shocked all of our friends and our families. Out of everyone, they never thought it would be he and I to divorce.

We were perfect. We just weren’t happy. Now you can ask, is anyone happy? Or what truly is happy? These questions are different for each individual and not as a couple. We lived like roommates. We never stopped loving the kids. We never stopped loving each other. As much as we tried counseling, date nights, church, sex, none of it helped. We didn’t want to prevent the other one from truly finding that one person that is your soul mate...because of my unhappiness and longing for my needs to be taken care of I had an affair. There, I said it. I know you wanted to ask. It was rough. The guilt ate at me. The day Doug found out, I fell apart. We cried, we yelled, we were silent, but at the end of the day we took the kids to see Spiderman 3. What??? Who does that? An extraordinary man does. You ask then why did I let him go? Who would want me after that? Even if he did, my “needs” weren’t being met and I know I wasn’t meeting his. We discussed our options to try to work it out as a couple, or just for the kids, or for financial reasons, or out of fear of being alone. None of these are good options, but were entertained for some sake I cannot recall at this time. The days thereafter I’m not going to tell you were easy. I can probably tell you they were crazy more than anything. In the end the attorney commented on our case being the “easiest she has ever seen.” We had split everything and moved into separate homes by the time we filed papers. Doug showed up on the day our divorce went before a judge to be finalized. He didn’t have to be there, but showed up for moral support. At the end we walked to our cars. We stood outside of his car and I said, “Thanks for being here. I’m sorry for everything I put you through.” The floodgates opened and I sobbed. He grabbed me and hugged me tight. He said, “It’s just a piece of paper. It’s OK. We’re OK. We’re still friends. I love you.” I told him that I loved him as I hugged back. I slowly walked to my car and drove away.

Since then we have had good times and bad times as all friends do. We just took the boys to the movies last night to see “Night at the museum 2.” He’s the first person I call in the middle of the day when I’m having a bad day and want to vent.

If you’re asking why we don’t try to get back together or if I miss him….it depends on the day or even the time of day. In the end, I know nothing would change and we would end up right back where we started. The heart can endure so much pain.

I tell you this information for reference and guidance only. Sometimes you feel like no one is going through what you’re going through. You think no one will understand. You probably find yourself at a loss and then you start to question and doubt yourself. You begin to lose yourself worth. You begin to make excuses. I told you the above information to let you know that you are not alone.

Here’s what I have to say about it. You can stop reading if you think I have rambled on long enough. I never asked you to read this anyway. If you want to judge me, fine. You won’t be the same. I will tell you that you have not walked a single inch in my shoes. You have not endured the pain that I have had to endure, or the torment that I have experienced. This is just a small slice of the story. I’m human. We all make mistakes. We all have skeletons. You are no better than the person standing next to you. You can judge me, but I know that you only suffer from your own insecurities and this just makes you feel bigger and better than me. I digress. Whatever the reason is in your current relationship, take a step outside of the relationship and look in. Disengage for a quick second. You married the person standing in front of you for a reason. What was that reason? Write it down. Take a trip down memory lane. I find that most of my married friends disengage a few years after they marry. The person standing before your eyes is still the same person. Marriage shouldn’t change anything. I know that some people truly change and you may have probable cause at that time. Whatever the reason may be, don’t just walk away because you think the grass is greener on the other side. It’s greener til the flood comes, then it’s just a mess. Look, all I can say is give it your best shot. Not just the old college try, because some of you strived for that 70 average just to continue on. Truly fight for what you want. Give it your all. If it still doesn’t work out in the end, you can at least say you tried. You’re not a failure. A failure is someone who gives up without putting in a single drop of sweat. Success is the result of blood, sweat, and tears regardless of the outcome. Now go work your magic.

Give love a chance.


ON our way to Daniel’s with our coworkers Larry and I had the following conversation:

Me: OK Larry, What’s our safe word going to be?
Larry: Safe Word? I didn’t know it was THAT kind of lunch.
Me: It’s not, well, you never know. I was looking for a safe word to get us out of there if we need to.
Larry: Do you think it’s going to be that bad? Let’s not use something obvious.
Me: So Fuck you, mother fucker is out?
Larry: I think you should have 3 expletives together.
Me: How about Fuckity Fuck Fuck?
Larry: Is Fuckity a real word or one of your Texas concoctions?
Me: Shut up, Larry, it works.
Larry: I can’t wait for you to use it.

This is how we do it from day to day. You have to make the most of what you got. This lunch went unhitched and actually it was kind of boring. I should have pretended I had Tourette's and used 3 expletives...next time.


Make It Count

I have said this before, but almost everyday I am constantly reminded of it.

"Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, coworker, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), *but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.* And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles, you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart."

I have been asked, "Why didn't I meet you sooner?" I always smile. I want to just say, "The timing wasn't right. Had I come into your life sooner, it still wouldn't have mattered and most likely my heart would have gone unnoticed." A little cheesy I am sure most of you would think. If you just take a moment and look back on your life and the people who have come in and out of it, know that timing had everything to do with it. There is a reason, don't fight it, just embrace it. All I can say when you meet someone special in your life, MAKE EVERY MOMENT COUNT. It will be worth it. I promise.


Monday, June 29, 2009

Start Now

Regardless of our present or past circumstances, the important thing is ... everything that is happening or has happened is for a reason. In reality, there are no victims. We each have a different sad story to tell. But the common thread that runs thru them all, is that we have at some point lost our power, or it has been taken away from us, or we have just plain given it away.

What can YOU do today to start empowering yourself?
Now, regardless of your present or past circumstances, at any time you choose, you can take a bold step and awaken the Empowered person that already exists within you.


*Every time we rely on someone or something outside of us to provide us with love, success or happiness, we hand our power over. As soon as they don’t provide it we are defeated.

Ironically, when we decide to be love, success and happiness, we easily attract the people, events and objects that enhance this state.

As you continue to decide what matters most, be honest with yourself.
Stop ignoring the urge to get on with the work you know you should do or to finally redefine relationship: That whisper you keep hearing is the universe trying to get your attention. Make it your intention to pursue only what is honorable, what is good, and what is true and the results will be a life grander than you could every have imagined. When you're true to who you are and what your spirit is telling you to do, that truth will indeed set you free.

You have always been deciding the truth of your life. It is how you decide to feel about it.

There is no need to try to work out what something means.
The descision is yours.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Getting Away With It

It's a little-known fact that Good Girls are only good because they know how to get away with being bad. They have their shiny halo's on display for the whole world to see and they walk down the street in their diamond slippers never stepping on a crack in the pavement.
No one is watching when a Good Girl skips down a side alley and mugs a baby for candy. How do they get away with it? Here's the secret.

Deny Everything

I'm starting with the last resort, because when it comes down to it this is the Good Girl's most powerful weapon against everyone else. It's their word against yours.
A Good Girl simply flat-out refuses to admit they were in any way, shape or form involved in any evil deeds.
“Of course I didn't do it, I would never do something like that!” is a perfectly plausible alibi for a Good Girl, who is always presumed innocent even when proven guilty.
A Good Girl could get caught with her hand in the cookie jar and a simple “Freddy tricked me” will suffice, while poor Freddy cops the blame.

Admit to Small Faults

In direct contradiction to the “deny everything” technique comes this little crafty piece of sly fault avoidance from the Good Girl's rule book.
A Good Girl bashfully admits to small, human errors … like barely audible burps after a delicious meal, usually orchestrated with a polite hand-over-the-mouth action and a timid “excuse me” which everyone finds delightfully adorable.
Other minor mishaps can be admitted to, such as the proverbial spilt milk, as long as the Good Girl makes a grand gesture of fixing her little mistakes. No one can fault a person for such an unfortunate accident.
Cute forgetfulness admitted before any damage is done is another strong winning point for the Good Girl, who can quite easily say “I forgot to tell you, your mother called yesterday. Which reminds me, it's her birthday in a week so I bought you this card to send her. Aren't the kittens on the cover adorable?”

Be Confident

A Good Girl knows ahead of time that she'll get away with it, so she takes on every evil deed with absolute confidence.
She can walk into a bank and hold up the cashier, with her immaculately groomed hair, manicured hands and a big smile on her face. Her mannerisms scream “I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm supposed to be here” and not a single person will question her authority.
After robbing the bank, the Good Girl can go shopping at the Tiffany store next door, confident in the knowledge that no one bothered to call the police.
And even if the police came, she would deny everything.

Cover Your Tracks

Most Good Girl crimes are quite petty, like stealing her sister's clothing and “borrowing” her mother's BMW without asking. The important thing is that she knows how to cover her crime.
When she enters her sister's room she doesn't turn on the light but waits for her eyes to adjust to the darkness, you just never know when your sister will be driving past the house and see a light on in her bedroom, that's a dead giveaway that something is amiss.
The Good Girl then steps over any litter on the floor, making sure she displaces nothing. She opens the cupboard slowly and quietly, and scans the rack of clothes with her eyes only. When she spies the little black dress she came looking for, she slips the hanger off the rack and moves the neighbouring clothes to close the gap.
When she leaves the room, she doesn't have to worry about turning off the light.
The same for the BMW. If the tank is a ¼ full of petrol when she gets in, it will be a ¼ full of petrol when she gets out. If something happens while she's driving home drunk and the car ends up scratched or damaged, it's time to deny everything.

Keep Your Story Simple

Remember that line from one of those Shakespeare plays, something about protesting too much (no, I clearly don't remember it either). The point is, the more you complicate your story, the more suspicious you sound.
Also, complicated stories contain details and a Good Girl is too busy being a master criminal to waste time remembering the fine points of her cover story.
If someone asks her “Where were you at 4 o'clock?” her simple answer contains no traceable lies “I was in my bedroom studying Geography.” That sounds just like where a Good Girl would have been when the bank was robbed.
“Where did you get that Tiffany necklace?” is answered with “Oh that? I bought it at the markets 5 months ago.”
Notice how the Good Girl does not bring anyone else into her story, because that would require their back up, which leads me to the next important technique.

Trust No One

There's nobody better at getting away with it than a Good Girl working alone. She can't rely on friends as plausible alibis. Her friends may not be as good as she is, and therefore they won't be as believable. Also, they aren't as confident as the Good Girl, so they'll probably cave under pressure.

There is another important lesson in this:

Don't Brag

One sad fact for the Good Girl is that she has to keep her secret identity under wraps at all times. If it got out that she was really Cat Woman, she'd have the Mayor and Batman to contend with, and no one wants that!
Since no one can be trusted, no one can ever know about her dastardly deeds … unless she has a memory eraser gun and isn't afraid to use it.
BUT since this isn't a comic book we're talking about, just stick to the fact that bragging about getting away with it can't be done.

Last But Not Least, Know Your Limitations

If you are small and weak, then stealing an ATM might not be your thing. You might want to stick to mugging babies for candy.
Even the best Good Girl in all the world, with all her tricks of the trade up her sleeve, will come crashing down from her pearly white cloud if she exceeds her limits.

And that's all there is to it.

Now fly my pretties, fly!


Friday, June 19, 2009

David William Hickman 01/03/1949-06/12/2009

I have a great friend that has recently come back into my life. He seems to always reach out at unexpected moments to make sure that all is right with me. He never ceases to make me smile through a simple email, text message, or comment left on Facebook. He had been eerily quiet for a week or so and I knew something was wrong. Sunday, Jeff let us all know that his father had passed on Friday. I cannot express the grief that Jeff must be enduring. For a guy of Jeff's size and stature, the emotion has rendered him to non-existence. I personally, do not deal with death at all. I have tried on more than one occasion to make sense and grasp at it, but it is still overwhelming. My heart aches for you, Jeff. Know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you. Your extended family loves and misses you. Take as much time as you need, the door is open for your return.

David William Hickman 01/03/1949-06/12/2009

Thinking of you.


Movie Greatness

My beautiful friend, Dawn, put out a request. She asked "Tell me a line from a movie you believe could change the world." I saw it last night for the first time, and it made me start thinking about some of my favorite movies and quotes from them. I just wanted to share a few with you....perhaps, if anything, it will bring back memories....Good times.

If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you'd like. What do ya do? You laugh, you know, I'm not saying I don't cry... but in between... I laugh -Garden State

it's not about what happened in the past or what you think might happen in the future. its about the ride for Christ's sake. there's no point going through all this crap if your not going to enjoy the ride. and you know what, when you least expect it something great might come along something better than you even planned for. - Along Came Polly

You know that place between sleep and awake, where you're still dreaming? that's where i'll always think of you. that's where i'll be waiting -Hook

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. -When Harry Met Sally

There Are Millions Of People In This world, But In The end It All Comes Down To One -Crazy/Beautiful

don't say we aren't right for each other, the way i see it is.. we aren't right for anyone else --the cutting edge

Sometimes I wish I had never met you. Because then I could go to sleep at night not knowing there was someone like you out there. -Good Will Hunting

I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it's both. -Forrest Gump

What is it in us that seeks the truth? Is it our minds or is it our hearts? -A Time to Kill

It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything. -Fight Club

The truth is, I gave my heart away a long time ago, all of it, and I never really got it back. -Sweet Home Alabama

That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else -Sixteen Candles

because that's what people do... they leap and hope to God they can fly cause otherwise, we just drop like a rock... wondering the whole way down why in the hell did i jump? but here i am.. falling, there's only one person that makes me feel like i can fly. its you. --Hitch

But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze -The Girl Next Door

The trick in life isn't getting what you want, it's wanting it after you get it -Love Affair

Screws just fall out all the time, the world is an imperfect place . -The Breakfast Club


Thursday, June 18, 2009

Brief Respite

I have been inundated with emails, phone calls, and text messages wondering why I am stepping away from Facebook. The outpouring of love has been a little overwhelming, but soothing to my heart at the same time. I am glad that most of you find humor in my sarcasm and wit. I say what comes to mind, I get ideas from others, listening to people talk around me and I get stuff from my co-workers that I think that my sarcasm has rubbed off on...you know who I'm talking about...I'm looking at you, Winkler & Huck. :) Anyway, they say that people who behave like this are often "hiding" from something. For as long as I can remember I have had this type of personality. I'm the one to make a comment in the middle of an uncomfortable situation just to break that tension. Sometimes it backfires, sometimes it's dead on, and all of the other times people walk away going, "who the hell is that girl?" Again, I'm the girl not afraid to say anything despite what others think. It gets me into trouble because people don't see the comedic value, they take things too personal and therefore, need to bend over and yank whatever is so far up their ass out and just simply enjoy life. I am who I am, take me or leave me. I know what my friend count is and I know where each and everyone of you live, so if you unfriend me, sweet fucking relief! One less person to entertain! :)

I guess I do cover my own soul with the humor that I bestow on you. I do it to make you laugh, to make you forget the troubles you may face and just simply let go. I have my dark moments and today they were getting the better of me. I felt overwhelmed. I just felt like the walls were closing in too hard and too fast. Anxiety attack? Not so much, I don't think. Perhaps it's a lack of sleep, lack of sex, a lack of alcohol, or all of the above. I do know the pressure to be funny is really overwhelming at times and when I have to explain my status to my co-worker sitting next to me, it just doesn't feel right anymore...KIDDING!!! Although I DID have to explain this morning's update, which made it lose its luster for me.
Seriously, my plate is pretty full right now. I don't share the inner part of my life with too many people. That side of me would scare people and I like my friends. See also: boyfriend potential. Only a select group of friends truly know the deep side of my life and I am proud to say they are still my friends regardless of what I have been through or what I continue to endure. My walls are made of titanium and therefore, extremely hard to break. Perhaps this is why I do not have good luck with men (or women [I have too many lesbian friends to list here]). I simply do not trust. ANYONE. I am heading to court in 3 short weeks and spent the day prepping for that and making my travel arrangements. In the end, the "crap" that I endure got the best of me. I believe that I AM A STRONG WOMAN if you ever know what I have experienced in my short 30 years of life. If you don't believe me, I will kick your ass, or pull out a can of whoop ass, or simply open it and eat what's in the can. My sarcasm lifts my own superficial soul and pumps me up to deal with the boys in the office. The times I banter with each of you lifts my spirit more and more and I actually leave my worries behind until I get back in my car and see my gun sitting there... Just kidding. Sort of. I will return, because truly, I can't stay away from making some sort of smart ass remark. I want to thank you all for following me. I had no idea how many of you I made laugh...It just makes me think you need to get a fucking life, and then you take those Facebook quizzes and it makes me hate you even more. I told you I couldn't stay away....It's been a blast having you all along for the ride of my life. It's a long journey, thanks for sticking with me.