Anywho, in honor of Earth Day Huck and I thought we would give back to Mother Earth by making our yard look prettier. Not really, it just so happened it was the same day when some guys showed up to work on our lawn. I've never seen such junk grow or lack of soil in a yard before. We don't have to deal with moss in Texas, in Washington though, it seems to grow everywhere including the roof of your house. I have to admit that there are some beautiful lawns that are green year round here in Washington. YOU HEAR THAT TEXAS?. I guess that once you cast Satan out of your yard or burn it, whichever comes first and easiest, it will be green forever.
Alas, we began one of those practices. This team of guys showed up at the house yesterday to "de-thatch" our lawn. It's basically like tilling. It's this machine that grinds up the surface of your lawn to get all of the weeds and moss so that you can later put fertilizer, seed, top soil, or whatever suits your fancy down. They handed me paperwork when they left for next steps. NEXT STEPS: Rake up thatch or mow up with mower if possible. PERFECT. I LOVE TO MOW. I marched right outside and started up the mower. I was doing beautifully on the side of the house where the strip of lawn is 3 feet wide by 938745 feet long give or take a foot or two. I realized I was pushing the debris back and forth more than picking it up. I ran upstairs to find Huck in the office watching me from the window. AWESOME. I whined a little bit and threw myself on the guest bed in a dramatic way that was surely a sign I needed his help. I went back outside to push the stuff around some more as Huck emerged with more powered lawn tools. This is where it gets fun for him. I'm like a kid in a candy store when it comes to lawn stuff. My A.D.D. goes into overdrive and I work a whole 30 seconds in random spots before I see another area that needs to be worked on. I never knew this would be so much work!
Just in case I go to Hell when I die, please do not make my eternal job raking up thatch. I will serve out STD's or other infectious disease first. And the only reason I think I may join you when I die is because I have been told to "Go to Hell" and I "Hope you burn in Hell" by some people and not by my kids yet because they are still young...but you know all of this. OK, thanks.
While I was raking thatch into piles to be sucked up, I noticed the ground looked like it had fur on it.
Me: "Why does the ground look like it has fur on it?"
Huck: "Because you brushed Ranger out here yesterday."
Me: "No, it looks furry. The dirt clods have it wrapped around. It's not from Ranger"
Huck: "I don't know what you're talking about."
4th grade neighbor: "To keep the ground warm."
And there you have it. My dad paid for all of that time in college and I could have dropped out in the 4th grade. He will be happy to know this. Let me go call him.
Every muscle in my body came to life screaming at me yesterday. And when I could no longer handle the pain in my back I decided to quit and make dinner. I hate my neighbor for having such a beautiful yard across the street. It makes ours look that much more like the red-headed step child on meth. Unfortunately, we didn't touch the backyard. In some ways I curse myself for still having to do it. The other part of me is glad so that Huck can't see where I have hidden all of those Cheetos wrappers I have buried in the yard. Happy Earth Day, y'all.