A Year In Review

Wow! What a year, and might I add not a very fun one.  I mean, of course it had it's ups and downs, but seriously I had my share of "are you F*CKING kidding me?  Not something else" moments in 2010.  It is 2010 right?  I didn't hopefully sleep through all of it?  OMG 2011 is only hours away???  Can you hear giddy in my voice?  If I could wrap 2010 up in one sweet little bag full of poop and set it on fire, toss it on one of SEVERAL persons front porches and walk away hoping that their whole house would set fire, I would be pleased. That's how it goes in the movies, right?

I wanted to highlight some of the funtastic times I had in 2010 so no one runs screaming for their happy pills or knife drawer, whichever is closest.  It usually takes a high consumption 2 glasses of alcohol for me to just be happy, whatever works.

My favorite quote from Huck:

"I've got to slow down, my makeup is running."  This is when we did City Chase Seattle.  Did I not write about this?  Oops.  I meant to.

My favorite quote to Huck:

"Apparently you don't participate in the talk dirty to me game anymore."  This was written by me this morning as I sat in my room working and he was in the kitchen working.  We have this long distance relationship and from time to time we torture each other by a little dirty talk game.  I am thinking the auditors of Verizon and Sprint have blushed on more than one occasion.  I'm sorry, what's that?  You didn't know I moved back to Texas and left Huck in Seattle?  Huh, I must not have written about that either.

My favorite quote from E:

"Nicki and I are just friends.  She likes Carson now." This is a funny story since my kid is NINE.  I have to chuckle at how the rest of this conversation went. Oh, sorry, I didn't share this one with you, either.  Damn.  Sorry about that.

My favorite quote from Jake:

Dude there isn't one because he doesn't talk much to ANY adult.  Don't you know it's not cool for middle school kids to be seen speaking with their parents???

I guess I have a lot to catch you up on so my New Years Resolution is to write more.  I may not have a lot of time because didn't you hear that Zac Efron is no longer dating Vanessa Hudgens? My next post may be from prison, but SO. WORTH. IT.

Happy New Year's, Y'all.

T

Christmas Don't Be Late

Dear Christmas,

Please hurry.

Love, Me

December Playlist

Rescue Me

Ethan acquired some Pokemon cards today after his adventure to one of many comic book stores. He is beyond frustrated by trying to explain this "game" to me so that we can play. I would be easier off translating the Chinese language than learning the object of this "game." I'd rather be held hostage and forced to become a Democrat than continue with this torture. Did I mention that I've been up since 2:15 AM for Black Friday? Jake just came by and asked to do something with Ethan. I promise it had nothing to do with the $50 bucks I slipped him. Ethan declined because we were playing Pokemon....um, I have a handful of cards that I haven't touched since they were given to me. So apparently this is what you call playing Pokemon??? Maybe it's not so bad since I was able to look at porn on Huck's iPad the whole time. Won't he be surprised when he gets the bill.

The Night Before Black Friday

I layed on the bed tonight discussing Christmas with Ethan. I'd memorized all of the Black Friday ads for weeks since they were released online weeks ago. But it's total tradition for my fabulous sister-in-law and I to trapse through each one after Thanksgiving dinner before dessert(s). I can't justify the pants being unbuttoned while I lick the advertisements of my favorite stores so she won't take them, instead I wear overalls and she wears elastic waisted pants. After circling, earmarking, and hiding the ads, I found myself laying on the bed having as much excitement about Christmas as, well, a kid on Christmas. I asked E what he wanted and after a long thoughtful pause he rolled over in all seriousness and said, "I don't know. There's so much cool stuff." I'm laying there staring at him, waiting for him to name SOMETHING, DAMNIT, ANYTHING!!! BECAUSE MOM ISN'T GETTING UP AT 2:15 FOR MY HEALTH. So I approached it from another angle, "What are you going to ask Santa to bring you." I had him trapped. What I got was, "Santa knows that I'll like any of that cool stuff." So a carton of unfiltered Camels and a bottle of Jack it is. It's going to be a great Christmas for one of us.

Priorities

E: What time is Jake's game tomorrow?

Me:  The same time as yours.

E: The EXACT same time, like 6 o'clock?

Me:  Uh huh, 6 on the dot.

E: Can you call my coach and tell him I am not going to be there?

Me: Why aren't you going to be there? Your team needs you, it's your last game.

E: Who's going to be the bat boy at Jake's game if I'm not there?

Me: I'm sure they'll manage.

E: (thinking) Mom, will you call Jake's coach and tell him I can't come because it's my last game?

Me: I am sure he will understand.

Revenge

You have destroyed the pile of clothes that I have so neatly folded and stacked on your bed by running and jumping into the middle of the stacks as though it's a big pile of leaves.  Then you wad them up and SHOVE them in your drawers when I give you the evil eye.  It's ok, REALLY, just don't be surprised when I show up at school with your jock strap on my head.

November Playlist

October Playlist

The Warm Spot

Yesterday about mid-morning I stumbled upon this. and all I could think of was, Yeah, some days I like to lay in the warm spot, other days, it's your turn. 

Molly. She belongs to my dad and Andrea

Gotta Cut Loose

I heart dance. All kinds. I love to watch it and every now and again I get brave enough to try it. As most of you have witnessed through this blog or on YouTube, my son has no fear of dancing either. I came across this and watched it at least 10 times...Go ahead...just try and not move your feet.

September Playlist

August Playlist

What's Next?

One of my favorite feeds that I read daily is from HGTV.  I get a kick out of the designers thoughts of what THEY think is awesome and what I think is dreadful.  I'm most in awe of big, workable kitchens that I can spend days making donuts and consuming alcohol in a very hip manner. I really enjoy most of what they share with them real big, pertty pictures and all....until TODAY.  First I'm going to show you the picture which was almost the first thing they showed.  Then, I'm going to tear it apart dissect it....

"I love the whimsical, yet modern feel for these indoor swings" ~Kayla

Really, Kayla? 

First, If I'm going to put a swing in my bedroom, it's not THIS kind.  It's one my boys can't see until they're 28 or on their wedding night, whichever comes first.

The REAL problem here is the decorating in this country monstrosity, not the swing.  The ONLY good thing about the swing is that it kinda covers up the other crap in the room and maybe that was Kayla's point, but I didn't read any further because I had to clean up the vomit on my laptop, sorry small family.

I hated that the brick wall was painted white and not left the original color.  My eyes were fixated on that brick wall, wondering what color the original was and my eyes jumped out of my head when they found the Brady Bunch wall paper to the left.  All I could think of was Marcia brushing her hair 100 times in her room with this same (looking) wallpaper.  It's hideous.  Maybe this is grandma's room, but then why would grandma still have the My Little Pony collection above the bed? She was way too old for that mess.

The bed looks rock hard, actually I'm thinking it's a table since they covered it with a picnic tablecloth.  Perhaps they're trying to keep with the country theme?  Then why the Frankie Goes To Hollywood coverings for the swing pillows?

None of the furniture remotely matches in style or color and that bothers me. The only things that interested me was the shag rug and it looks like the hardwood floors are originals from way back.  It's a shame that they have this other crap to offset them.

I'm A Little Bit Country

 A couple of weeks ago, I rounded up the troops for pictures.  It's been awhile since we've had the chance to have professional pictures taken.  I found this photographer through another blog that I read and was ecstatic when I found out she was 20 minutes from me! When I arrived, she threw this vintage dress my way, had me put on my cowboy boots and denim jacket and she started shooting.  200+ pictures later in under an hour and I was on my way to take Jake to the airport for his summer in Texas. These are just a couple that I have included.  It looks like my Christmas cards are done.  Just act surprised when you open yours in December.

A Day on the Lake

Some are just entertained by a beautiful day on the boat with friends, the rest of us are entertained by E.

Jar of Hearts

Spring in Seattle

During a Saturday morning walk in June, I was dreaming of warmth and sunshine and spending long walks on the beach with my boyfriend and secret lover, Bradley Cooper, when I took Huck's new EVO phone and snapped at some pictures along the way.  Huck thinks I'm jealous of his new phone that has the battery life equivalent to the size of a gnat.  In reality, I'm only jealous at the clarity of the pictures it takes.  I'm not a good photographer at all.  Maybe after I finish remodeling the house, I will take a class or two, if Jimmy Hoffa allows me to.

Drinking Buddies

 The Saturday morning ritual in Starbucks....then donuts.

July Playlist

Holy hell was I even thinking this month? 

Spring Cleaning in July

This morning I got up at 6:30 thanks to people who work in the Central timezone and are too lazy to look up the 425 area code and the PACIFIC timezone it lies within. Grrr. 

Let me start by saying how OCD I am if you don't already know.  I have to constantly stay busy.  Since I quit my job, this house has never been so lucky nor seen so much improvement since the day it was built, 5 years ago. I'm not saying that I DO ALL THE WORK, it's because I love to and if I didn't, I would go mad, more than I already am, and Huck would have to lock me in a round rubber room.  It kind of sounds peaceful in a sadistic kind of way, but nonetheless, I take on these improvement projects myself in between shuffling kids back and forth to camps, writing some scripts for a project, and many trips to the bathroom to pee because y'all, I have THE WORLDS SMALLEST BLADDER.

Anyway, I sat down at my computer this morning and this spot caught my eye.  It was between the "backspace" and the "home" keys on my computer. I couldn't wedge my pinkie in to get it and it started laughing at me.  I got up and went and got a q-tip. I picked off the backspace key and gasped! I RAN and got the 500 count box of q-tips, the saline solution, the electronic duster in a can, and tweezers.  I started picking off the keys one by one and each time was startled by what I found, after I huffed the remaining contents of the can of cleaner.

Cupcake crumbles (I can't believe I let any get beyond my mouth so it must have been one of the kids)
Enough hair to construct a wig
OMG is that BACON???
a small family of four
a rabbit
and 2 lbs of dirt which will work well in the garden

I never realized how disgusting my keyboard on my laptop was until I started prying off the keys one by one.  I was q-tipping in one instance and grabbing hair with my tweezers the next.  I was one dead hooker away from making Gil Grissom happy with my work.

My keyboard is all clean except my space bar keeps getting stuck.  I guess I'm going to have to get the Sheriff to get rid of the squatters that have relocated to one end of it. Oh, and Huck, we need more q-tips.

Memorial Day Weekend

 

May was a busy month. I know, I know, I've heard it all, "Everyone is busy but THEY have time to get things done...." OR "You don't work, what do you NOT have time for?" SHUT YOUR FACE, OK? I try and keep an immaculate house. I organize and reorganize closets because there is still room to fit some of Huck's sh!t inside of it because I can't throw everything away at once. Clueless. Everyone needs to hang out with me for a day to see what I do and the amount of Cheetos I consume. The iPad has a TON of cool applications I have found and I've also walked the dog. Actually, I went to Texas twice. and I've been building a wall. You would think I was a professional by the looks of the wall I built around my heart, but NO, dirt is much more tricky then any boy who's ever walked into my life. Seriously, A REAL WALL. There are some instances where I just sit and watch HUCK sweat, and then there are mornings when I'm in a dress and flip flops in the pouring rain trying to put the finishing pieces to the ground level in the front. Hot, huh?

Anyway, my second trip to Texas was over Memorial Day weekend. By the time I landed it felt like seconds before I was leaving again. I hate trips like that only because I don't feel like I even breathed. This trip was to go to my Ex-husband's wedding. Yes, you read that right, MY EX-HUSBAND'S WEDDING. I was gung-ho when I told Dougie that I would make it back and bring Huck along for the ride. As soon as the plane started to descend, I had this gut-punch feeling come over me and it was like I opened my eyes for the first time at what I was actually coming home for. WTF am I doing? Can we turn this plane around and I'll just send a gift and a card? How am I going to make this event NOT ABOUT ME? Seriously, I got through it and had a great time. We laughed and laughed about anything and everything. I introduced Huck to Billy Bob's. He learned what a honky tonk was after much discussion on why it was better than being called a cracker tonk. He had never been to a bar with Bull-riding in it, and we actually saw a concert by a Filipino-American C&W artist, Neal McCoy. He had Texas overload by the time we stumbled back through the Stockyards to the truck. My favorite part of the whole wedding was when strangers would ask me how I knew the bride and groom and I would cheerfully say, "I'm Doug's ex-wife!" Huck thought it better to say I was Doug's baby's momma.

PRICELESS.

The End Of This Journey

Dear Jake,

Today is your last day of elementary school. You have come a VERY long 6 years in school as you embark on your next adventure: MIDDLE SCHOOL.  Oh, how I can look back on your days as a Kindergartner and remember the trials and tribulations, the fights on how and why school was important and that you still had 16 more years left so you better start liking it NOW.  I remember how we practiced spelling words in the car on the way to school K-3rd grade.  How we fought over wearing the school uniform because that's what private school kids wear.  How you thought I was the coolest mom ever for suggesting they implement "Dollar Day" a couple of times a month so that you could wear regular clothes on those designated days for a mere buck.  How now you ask ME not to wear specific clothes as to not embarrass you in front of your friends, but little do you know that kissing you and saying specific things out loud is really all it takes, not wearing cowboy boots with my dresses. 

Homework was never fun for me as I can now say that I am Valedictorian of K-5th grade and I finally mastered fractions.  I know, Huck, "mastered" is quite the stretch.  The papers and projects are too numerous to count, but I'm glad WE got good grades on all of them.  It was only when the light bulb went off in your head that you enjoyed certain aspects of homework because they were easy and quick to accomplish. Showing your work is not your forte and the countless hours we have fought over why will one day be the nemesis with YOUR child. 

You are a strong young man as you weathered a couple of new schools and went through some major life changing events.  I couldn't be more proud of how you handled them and you kept going unlike me and the worry that I continue to carry for you and E. 

You learned that being suspended from school was more embarrassing then anything, and that the 5th grade "video" was not as terrifying as you first thought.  You have figured out that girls in 1st grade kick you only because they like you and as they get older they don't do it as much. And friends are friends forever through the powers of Facebook.

I can already hear the fears of middle school: School dances where I may be a chaperon just so I can shake my groove thang, HOMEWORK, showering after PE in front of others, HOMEWORK, algebra, girls, friends that were your friends in elementary school are now friends with other kids, you don't want the notes that I write in your lunch bag anymore, and more HOMEWORK.

All of this has taught me my own life lessons...buy stock in erasers, plant more trees for paper, and that our teachers are clearly not paid enough money to put up with everything.

Enjoy your summer.

Love,
Mom

Kindergarten

5th Grade

A Kid After My Own Heart

 
I can't tell you how much I love In-N-Out Burger.  I always make it a point to visit one when I'm in Vegas, California or St George, Utah.  I am not shy about eating good food especially good burgers.  My favorites seem to have tons of bacon and blue cheese. You can't get it that way at INO, but you can get it animal style which is just as good.If INO could overnight me a dozen or so, I would be forever grateful.

And of course, my child who can't drink hot chocolate without taking some home with him...FOREVER.

June Playlist